The Break Up Poem

How do I tell you that I don’t want you to hold my hand anymore?
How do I tell you that while I still love you, I’m no longer in love with you, and I’m not sure if I ever was?
How do I tell you that when we kiss, I feel a penetrating burn in my throat rather than a swirling buzz in my head?
How do I tell you all of this…or any of this…without it seeming like I never thought of you as an important or integral part of my life?

Deflections. The changing of subjects, the dodging of questions, the nudge to go in a different direction of what was intended.
Excuses. The late alteration of set plans, the cancelation of dates, new reasons for rejecting opportunities closeness and romance.
Arguments. The raising of past mistakes, the use of your own words against you, the unabated attacks when you are vulnerable.
Lies. The erosion of the truth just to make a point, the selfish why do you need to know questions, the disrespect of your worth.

I love you.
I’m leaving you.
I’ll miss you
I’m so sorry.
This is goodbye.

How do I tell you that I don’t want to fall asleep in your arms anymore?
How do I tell you that these thoughts are not new and that they certainly are not fleeting?
How do I tell you that I dream of another, of a face, that while isn’t yet clearly recognizable, certainly doesn’t belong to you?
How do I tell you all of this…or any of this…without it seeming like I never thought of you as an important or integral part of my life?

Do you see this stream of tears falling down my cheeks…do you feel this warm pool of liquid forming in your lap?
They are a result of the most honest sentiments that I’ve ever known…your love for me is the most real feeling that I’ve ever known.
I know there is a genuine chance that I will never be adored again by someone as much as you adore me.
But it sure would be a shame to continue to conceal these feelings…to feel like I’m wasting each other’s time with each passing day.

I love you.
I’m leaving you.
I’ll miss you
I’m so sorry.
This is goodbye.

How do I tell you that I never would have intentionally put us in this position if I had known this could have been prevented?
How do I tell you that all of the time and effort we put forth in this relationship isn’t a strong enough reason for us to stay together?
How do I tell you that it just happened…that I began waking up each new morning wanting you less and less and less?
How do I tell you all of this…or any of this…without it seeming like I never thought of you as an important or integral part of my life?

That for weeks, months, maybe much longer than that, I’ve been avoiding intimacy, ignoring your needs, diverting you.
That these words of adoration once spoken with so much conviction now either lack the same energy or are not verbalized at all.
That when I look at myself and think of a forever life with you that my eyes explode with thick, heavy tears?
That each day I go without vocalizing my thoughts feels like another day that I am betraying you and keeping you from your future. 

I loved you once.
I’m leaving you now.
I’ll miss you wholeheartedly.
I’m so very sorry.
Goodbye.

When you want out of a relationship with someone without it seeming like the relationship didn't matter. Breaking up with someone that you once cared very deeply for, but not anymore. Knowing that it's a risk in being alone, but that it's something that needs to be done.

Written in 2019

Copyright, The Poetry of Bryan Buser