Jump

Jump, I won't. 
I'm on this ledge, but I won't jump.
There's no chance of that.
I believe you when you say this might work.
I believe you when you say that might work.
I believe you. My options seem endless.
You're straight with me. Your smile brings comfort.
I have much hope. The pain, I believe, is temporary.
I've asked for help, and I like what I hear.
Sent on my way, you say you'll follow up soon.
You seem to care. You have my trust.
You have the knowledge, skills, and abilities.
You can really make a difference.
You have it, and it seems you use it.
You've succeeded simply by caring.
I rise with what you say.
I rise with what you do.
So jump, I won't.

Jump, I might.
I'm on this ledge, and I might jump.
There's a chance of that.
I'm tired of hearing you say this might work.
I'm tired of hearing you say that might work.
I doubt you. My options are limited.
You don't seem as optimistic. You don't smile as much.
My hope is fading. The pain gets worse every day.
I've asked for help, but I don't know if I like what I hear.
You send me on my way. You don't follow up.
I don't seem to matter to you. You are losing my trust.
You have the knowledge, skills, and abilities.
You can really make a difference.
Are you utilizing this?
Why don't you seem to care?
I rise and fall with what you say and don't say.
I rise and fall with what you do and don't do.
So jump, I might.

Jump, I will.
I'm on a ledge, and I'm about to jump.
There's no chance I won't.
This didn't work.
And that didn't work.
I don't believe you, and I'm now out of options.
I hear your whispers. Your smile is gone.
Hope is lost. The pain is unbearable.
I've asked for help, but now I'm ignored.
You send me on my way.
You hope I don't return.
I don't matter to you.
You have the knowledge, skills, and abilities.
You can really make a difference.
You have it, and you waste it.
You've failed me simply by not caring.
I fall with what you don't say. 
I fall with what you don't do.
So jump, I will.

There isn't much of a worse feeling in this world than when you've lost all hope.

This is a suicide poem written in three stages.

In the first stanza, the speaker has been dealt a blow for which he is ill-prepared. Nevertheless, he's optimistic, and his doctor is telling him things will be better soon. The speaker smiles because the news is comforting. While his current situation is not pleasant, it's reassuring to know he will make a full recovery. Though unpleasant thoughts have crept into his mind, he shoves them to the side and smiles with the idea that his situation will improve.

 In the second stanza, the speaker is not as optimistic as in the first, but there is still hope in his voice. He has good days and bad days, and the uncertainty is scary. He doesn't know what to believe.

 In the final stanza, the optimism has not just faded, but complete pessimism has set in. The speaker has lost hope that this pain he figures will go away.

Written in 2003

Copyright, The Poetry of Bryan Buser