During This Fog

When self-care becomes an everyday struggle, it’s promising to know that you care enough about me for us both.
When self-encouragement becomes null and void, it’s heartening to know that you’ve forever got my back.
When it feels like I’ve had my passions stolen away, it’s encouraging to know that you’ll replenish my cupboard.
When my dreams feel diminished, it’s reassuring to know that you won’t place on me anything that I can’t handle.
 
With frigid fear, I inched towards you slowly; there was a genuineness I observed, yet I was still so terrified.
With mild trepidation, I crawled towards you; I was hesitant but curious to learn more.
With greater understanding, I walked towards you purposefully; I was impressed and excited to grow closer.
With trust, I jogged towards you faithfully; I was persuaded and ready to engage in this two-sided relationship.
With love, I ran towards you abandonedly; your reckless pursuit of me had forever captured my mind, body, and soul.
 
Yet sometimes, I still can’t escape my own disquieted mind.
I’m left wondering, constantly wondering, forever wondering.
Why can’t this be enough; why can’t I be enough?
Why can’t I work myself through these unusual, sad feelings?
Why can’t I feel normal or even like I’m close to approaching normal?
When will this self-loathing exit?
When will this anger withdraw?
 
During this fog, I still feel your love beaming down, warming every inch of my body.
During this fog, I still feel secure, wrapped in this cloth of affection, knowing that I am not alone.
It is during this fog that I still stand firm, knowing how you’ve willingly stepped in as my advocate.
During this fog, I experience an escape, aware of the cleansing effect your forgiveness will forever have.
During this fog, I’m so encouraged, knowing that you are forever on my side.