Come Back
In this unforgiving place forever to remain
Destined I was to live with this pain
Prospects of promise gave way to thoughts of disdain
The anger so was real that it was hard to explain
Feeling like a failure or, worse, a mistake
Going through the motions where every move felt fake
Filled with such doubt that caused me to shake
I became too overwhelmed and started to break
With reservations and concerns, I let you come near
And trusting the words I needed to hear
The fog lifted, a light turned on, all became clear
You made me appreciate the life I had once held so dear
Why did you go when you should have stayed?
A time when opportunities seemed endless
A time far removed, left to give the day away…
But pretty soon, these feelings will pass
You were there to help so I’d feel content
“You need me,” you said, but I knew not what you meant
I heard you, I believed you and trusted your intent
And thanked the lord above for the gift he had sent
Causing me to feel weak and to accept defeat
“Take me and love me, and you’ll feel complete”
I let my guard down and bought your deceit
I thought you were helping, but I was instead being beat
Resisting my demons, my feelings you could gauge
But where did you go when I began burning with rage?
Ill-tempered and apathetic, forever stuck in this stage
Always looking for a fight, always fit to engage
Why did you go when you should have stayed?
A time when opportunities seemed endless
A time far removed, left to give the day away…
But pretty soon, these feelings will pass.
Tricked into seeing the world that didn’t feel true
I should have trusted myself, but I instead trusted you
Provoked by deception with not a thing I could do
Boiling inside, an irritated ulcer, filled with hate I so knew
Today’s futility results from lessons I can’t learn
Resulting in a hostility which only fuels this burn
Words of distrust shouted without so much a return
“Leave! You betrayed me! I’m not your concern!”
Too often reminded how you stole me from me
Wrapped in your blanket of lies and unable to see
We can debate this forever, but we won’t agree
Back to being the failure, I was destined to be
Why did you go when you should have stayed?
A time when opportunities seemed endless
A time far removed, left to give the day away…
But pretty soon, these feelings will pass
Your bright smile, your kind heart, I should have felt flattered
Your deception left me weak, wasted, tired, and shattered
Battered and tattered like nothing else mattered
Causing my thoughts to become all kinds of scattered
Days of anger give way to nights of fear,
Caught up in the memories of having you near
Self-medicating myself to make these thoughts disappear
Holding off, I do try, each night’s first tear
Pleasantries of times past, now buried so deep
Lost in my subconscious, forever your lies I’ll keep
You still haunt me sometimes while I sleep
Until I wake up in a cold sweat and again start to weep
Why did you go when you should have stayed?
A time when opportunities seemed endless
A time far removed, left to give the day away…
But pretty soon, these feelings will pass
This is about a person having a conversation with an antidepressant drug. The speaker, depressed before using the antidepressant, began using the medication, despite his hesitations and resistances. When he started using the antidepressant, the depression and anger he had been feeling began to dissipate. He began to view life from a more optimistic point of view. But he knew what he was feeling wasn't honest because when he came off the antidepressant, his old way of life quickly reappeared. His optimistic view of life was temporary, and he became angrier and angrier because he was felt he was being taunted with how good his life might otherwise be. Life is freer and happier when he's on the antidepressant, but it just doesn't feel honest. And to get a glimpse of a better life only to have it yanked away from him feels like a cruel joke to him.
Written in 2006
Copyright, The Poetry of Bryan Buser